It's Good to be the King, Part 1

 

On many occasions, I think to myself "It's good to be a man."Unlike many other San Franciscan males, I am quite happy with my gender.In this short essay, I will focus on one of the many factors making maleness a desirable state of existence: The Urinal.

 

It's such a common device, that most men don't think twice about it.But the urinal is great in many ways.The most important is the great convenience it offers us.No need to sit down on a dirty seat like women must do.(This may change someday.Check out http://www.restrooms.org/urinals.html )No need to get your pants all over the nasty bathroom floor.It's quick and to the point.In addition, there is less distance for aim to be a problem, which many men have trouble with using conventional toilets.I don't fault our sex for this problem as we men lead stressful lives and can be excused for occasional lapses in concentration.

 

And then there is the bonding.While men do not like to look at each other in a bathroom, they still can converse with their neighbor while going about the business in hand.And even if there is no talking, there still is a silent oneness that men feel when at the urinal.It's a feeling that we're in this together.There are no doors on a urinal.Even in bathrooms with the little dividers between the urinals (which I like), there still exists a sense of community.No one is shut out from the club.The CEO can be pissing right next to you, and though he's worth 20 times what you are, both are equal in the eyes of American Standard, Sloan, or any of the other fine urinal manufacturers out there.

 

Next, I'd like to talk about some other aspects that make male urinal usage a great feeling.I feel good being a man knowing that my urinal usage saves water versus a conventional toilet.In fact, the variety with the little holes, instead of standing water, can go for a while without being flushed if there is a water shortage or if people are just too lazy to hit the lever.They take up less space, so can service more customers than toilets alone could in the same size bathroom.For custodians, they are easier to clean since there are no hard to reach areas and urinal cleaning causes less hardship on the back since the urinal is elevated unlike a toilet.Many bars are good nice enough to put up the sports page above urinals so one can read up on the latest scores when doing #1.This multitasking is necessary for our busy lives and informs us, while not in any way affecting the main process of the pissing.

 

But for the ultimate in efficiency, let's talk about troughs.For those who havenít seen these, it's not your fault.I believe the trough is now against health codes, but existing ones are still allowed to be used.My favorite trough system is at the Oakland Coliseum.When you have a full room with all 10 troughs at their 5-person capacity, we're talking some super-efficient urination going on.One water source, at a slow trickle per trough saves water.The troughs allow for more pissing per square foot than any other urination receiving apparatus known to man.Bonding with your fellow men at the trough as you listen to the game on the radio (thoughtfully provided for us by the stadium), as you cheer with them for the team in a drunken revelry, is a great experience that I cherish as a privilege of my manhood.

 

I think I have shown who the ability to make use of a urinal for urinating purposes is a great reason to enjoy being a man.It's quick, easy, fun, and creates a sense of community among your fellow men.I know women enjoy many benefits over men in other areas.But in the field or urination, we win.Urination is a frequent part of a human's life.Given that, I am glad I'm a man and can enjoy all the benefits that urinals offer.

 

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