The Dessert  

Here are my top 12 reasons why I dislike France:

  1. No "K" in French.
  2. Language being more complicated just to sound nice. Click here for a great excerpt of snobbery from WSJ.
  3. $6 dollar Cokes not worth the experience of the French cafe.
  4. Hyphenated first names
  5. Government subsidies to U.S. French teachers to promote pro-France propaganda
  6. 35 hour work weeks mandated by law
  7. French class, which has caused many youths great pain; the ill-effects can linger even after several years
  8. Gerard Depardieu
  9. Pansy food, especially cheeses that don't melt well.
  10. Le Car
  11. Air France pilots refusing to speak English, to the air traffic control tower, creating unsafe situations due to other airplanes not understanding. See here for a WSJ story on this.
  12. Jean-Jacques Beineix, proponent of protectionism for the French film industry.
    ****** Click for Special Bonus Quote from a French tourist in Las Vegas on the Flooding of July 1999!******

Here are my top 12 tips for when you have nothing to do at work:

  1. Take a trip to a new bathroom to do your business. You may find a nicer one than is on your floor that you'll want to return to when you need that extra special experience. If male, pick a floor such as HR that is predominately female and vice versa to increase the odds of a cleaner environment.
  2. Internet is obvious, but surfing wisely is not easy. When reading newspapers, quickly copy and paste stories into a word document with no formatting. This limits the time on the net and allows you to read your collection of stories all at once while appearing legitimate business memos. I recommend your local paper plus the Wall Street Journal and The New York Times. Always hover over alt-tab, use small fonts, turn off animation (and pictures if you don't need them), and use small toolbar icons with no text and put on one line with drop-down menus with the address bar by itself on the next line. Set task bar on autohide, so web page is not shown even when another window is up. You can also print out the news, but I like to save paper usually unless I plan to take the reading for lunch.
  3. Bring an apple. When ready to eat, get up and wash it in the sink. Go back to cube. Eat. Get up to throw in break room garbage so not to stink up your trash can. Go into bathroom to wash hands. Go back to cube, get mug, go back to break room, fill up at water cooler to wash out the acidic taste of the apple. This can kill a good 15 minutes if you have your technique down. Extended version has you washing out your mug for a couple minutes.
  4. Email a bunch of people throughout the day so you will always have some conversation going on.
  5. Check your home voice mail a couple times an hour.
  6. Check your stocks once a minute during market hours. Make some trades if you have the money or want to day trade. I recommend Datek Online.
  7. Check your mutual fund prices, updated at 2:50pm on Yahoo.
  8. Check the weather, updated at 4:00pm on Yahoo (for San Francisco, at least.) Watch the Weather Channel's Doppler radar when sever weather hits.
  9. ALWAYS leave the premises for lunch. Even if you bring your own or get something quick, enjoy the outside and read a book or get some exercise.
  10. Keep a Excel file recording daily statistics of your lunches with graphs and analysis. This will give you something to do after returning from lunch and make you look forward to getting back to update the file. In addition, you will enjoy planning out your lunch right in the morning when you get in.
  11. Engage a co-worker in conversation beginning with "You know, it doesn't feel like a Wednesday today." This will be sure to start an exchange for at least a couple minutes, maybe more as others overhear and join in.
  12. Sign up for online and/or regular consumer surveys.

Here are my top 12 reasons why I despise McDonalds:

  1. Commercials that are repulsive like the one where the 5-year old kid who has a single mom for whom he scrounges up change from the house and buys a 29 cent hamburger to cheer her up on her birthday when no one will celebrate with her.
  2. Incredibly slow special orders when I used to go as a child made me the scorn of my brother who blamed me for the extra time it took for our food to come out.
  3. Portrayal in ads of inner city youths gaining respect from their peers for getting a job at the Mc.
  4. That Mc smell stinks up any enclosed area.
  5. That scam promotion where you had to buy a full-priced drink and fries to get the discounted sad Big Mac.
  6. Chicken McNuggets use the same meat as Slim Jims, but without the spices.
  7. Special "Chinese Chicken" feature is simply McNuggets in a Chinese take-out box with "apricot sauce."
  8. Fake Shake.
  9. Mcs around the world give the US a bad name.
  10. Hasn't had a meaningful new menu item (that is good) in my lifetime, compared with Wendy's which comes out with innovative tasty items frequently.
  11. Eric's First Fries. It physically sickens me to think that somebody purchased this item.
  12. New ad (9/99) where kid asks his dad if he can get a Happy Meal and then sees this even younger kid getting a happy meal so the kid feels embarrassed and then touchingly orders a Big Mac like his dad (because he's a big boy now) signifying the passage of time and that "he is really growing up so fast." Let us hope that "his first Big Mac" does not become a standard milestone in Americans baby books. Upon viewing this commercial again, I notice that when the kid asks for the Happy Meal, the dad gets this look like his kid is a fairy or something (sort of like telling your dad you want to start up ballet instead of football and he says ok, but is suspicious) and becomes so proud when he orders the Big Mac like his old man. Actually, the after-Big-Mac look could be construed as relief that his son isn't on the sissy track in life.

    ******Click for Special McDonalds/French Items. A case where I actually must be in the Mc's corner.************

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